By Kenda Horst, INA Nanny of The Year 2024
No matter who you are, being open and honest is a healthy way of living. And for being a nanny. And yes this is said from a place of privilege, a white cis gender female living and working in San Francisco.
June of 2024, when I opened up a nanny colleague’s social media post, a hateful meme hit me–about loving the sinner, not the sin. This is a person who, just weeks before, congratulated me on my recent wedding anniversary.
I’m a nanny, open as a lesbian, and celebrated for who I am. It was not always this way.
On Pride Day 2024, I marched in the San Francisco Pride Parade. The whole route twice. First with PFLAG San Francisco (a support organization for the LGBTQAI+ community and their families), and later that afternoon, I marched again with my church, First Mennonite Church of San Francisco. I started this essay that day as I was getting ready to celebrate being an out person in multiple communities that have supported me over the years.
I’m honored to be the INA Nanny of the Year 2024. In my acceptance speech I acknowledged that I have not always been “out” as a Lesbian. I came out as a Lesbian in the spring of 1997, four years into my 30-year + nanny career.
In my early years as a nanny, gay marriage was illegal. People could become Domestic Partners in San Francisco and different states or cities around the United States starting in 2000. I was living in San Francisco, a very welcoming place, and even there, the laws and privileges that I have today were not in place yet, and people could still be fired for living an open life.
In late1997, I came out to my parents back in Illinois and to the rest of my extended family, and I shared this with my nanny family. I was immediately fired for being a lesbian.
It was devastating, but a month later, I bounced back. I was hired by a new nanny family. Even then, I was not actively out, and I did not mention in interviews that I was a Lesbian.
In the new job, I was still silent. I felt unsafe to share my personal life with my nanny family. But my values must have shined through in ways I never realized. I didn’t know how to live in the closet. My life was an open book. It didn’t take long for my new nanny mom to mention something about my lesbian partner. Somehow she knew because of how I talked about my life. She, subtly, wanted to make sure I knew I was in a safe space in their home. I felt a sense of relief to have their support. From that point on I have been out and proud of who I am in all of my nanny family relationships.
I am so grateful that I can be who I am– out and open.
In my cover letter, now, I state my marital status, and my partner’s name. I include my years of serving on the board of an LGBTQIA+ organization. Now as I interview for new nanny positions, I clearly state that I am an out lesbian. I mention that because I only want to work for them if they, too, support me.
I have to be honest that even stating that I am an out Lesbian is a privilege. Some nannies can’t hide parts of their identity–racial identity, for example.
In 2024, we have come a long way. Marriage equality is assured nationwide. But even so, we face hatred and fear. Marriage rights are starting to be challenged in 2025. The LGBTQIA+ community needs to make sure there paperwork is in order when traveling with there spouses.
All that is back story to what happen when I saw the social media post in June of 2024, when I opened up a nanny colleague’s social media post, a hateful meme hit me–about loving the sinner, not the sin. This is a person who, just weeks before, congratulated me on my recent wedding anniversary of 12 years. And now this hateful message. My fear at the time was that the meme might give people the right to attack people in the LGBTQIA+ community.
All of us nannies give our whole heart to the children and parents in our care. And our families support us. Most of my nanny families were at my wedding twelve years ago. They were there to celebrate me and to be part of my celebration of life.
I have a lot of privilege in being able to be an out professional. I am grateful for this privilege and I want to work for others to have this same privilege. How can we all move forward to create a better world for the people around us? I am wondering how we in the Nanny community and in INA take the time to talk with each other around this issue. Can we have more in depth conversations? Do people see the effects of a statement on social media and what that statement says about your company? We in the in the childcare industry are not in hug corporations with HR departments. We work inside people’s homes and interact with each other on a more personal level. I would like to see this conversation not just around the LGBTQIA+ community but racial and cultural issues as well. We all can do better. I look forward to hearing from my Nanny community.