Extend Some Grace
By Angela Johnson Sutherland
When most of us are hired as Nannies and Mannies, we negotiate guaranteed hours in our contracts. We automatically assume that these hours are for when parents are at work or have appointments. Once a parent gets home from work, some of us expect that we will be free to leave soon even though we may have a few minutes to a few hours left on the clock for that day. What some of us don’t expect is for a parent to come home early and take a nap or a hot bath, lounge around the house and have some “me” time, or even work out in the home gym. We get upset because they are home and are not taking charge of their kids. Our attitude tends to become, “how dare they!”
The truth is, parents pay us for a service and whether they choose to let us go early or not is up to them. Just like us, they need some time to themselves away from the kids and their job. If they choose to take off early from work to have some time to themselves, it’s their choice. They are utilizing the services that they are paying for, childcare. We are still getting paid for those hours whether they are at work or at home. We may not like it nor agree with it, but it’s the bottom line.
Yes, it can be aggravating because the kids see the parent and then want to be with their parent. Some start crying or act out, while others throw temper tantrums. Yes, it can be frustrating because we have our own problems outside of our jobs and them disrupting our day just adds to our pile of problems. But try putting yourself in their shoes.
You don’t know what straw just broke their camel’s back to make them need some time alone. You don’t know the pressures they may be under. They could have lost a big client, had to tell a patient some life-altering news, their company could be in financial trouble…the list goes on and on. The fact is they need to decompress before having to be “on” for their kids.
You may not realize that you are the difference between them falling apart and being able to decompress from their madness. You may not think that it makes a difference between you staying until 5 and them letting you go early at 4:30. You have no way of knowing how tight they are wound up and just one more thing might make them snap. Just you being there and enduring the extra crying and whining can make the difference between them losing control, taking it out on their kids and them being able to take the time to breathe so they can get their emotions under control. You may not know that you are their lifeline.
As a Nanny or Manny, you are an extension of that family, you are essentially their third parent. Be slow to assume and slow to anger with your employer. Extend to them the same measure of grace that you would want to be extended to you. Parents may seem like they have it all together, but remember, they are only human too.
Angela Johnson Sutherland is a nanny, newborn care specialist, nanny mentor, parent educator and the owner of The Third Parent Academy. She is also the host of Ask The Nanny Facebook Live Broadcast. She has a degree in Early Childhood Education and has worked professionally in the childcare field for over 30 years. She advocates Professional Development for all nannies and mannies.
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