The INA pleased to welcome a guest contributor to the INA Weekly Brief. Dietitian and nutritionist Lisa Renn writes below about striking the right balance when it comes to ‘sometimes’ foods. This is an excellent leaping off point for a candid conversation between parents and nannies around the issue of food.
Lisa is introduced to the INA by Louise Dunham, founder of Placement Solutions. She writes:
Lisa’s article prompted me to think about a trend I’ve noticed over the last few years – a trend towards, in my view, excessively child-centred parenting. I think it’s time there was a move back towards what I call ‘good enough’ parenting. This doesn’t mean neglecting our children, but just as Lisa calls for balance in our approach to unhealthy foods, parents also need balance when it comes to caring for themselves as well as their children.
For kids to grow up healthy and resilient, they need their parents to also be healthy and happy. It’s a bit like the way they tell us we should use the oxygen masks on an aeroplane: look after yourself first, then you’ll be in a good position to help others. Put another way, the basic needs of a parent are just as important as those of a child.
A great example of what this means in practice is our approach to entertainment. Somewhere along the way it seems to have become compulsory for adults to fill every available minute of their child’s day. When a primary-school aged child is attending three different after-school classes on a single day (yes, it does happen!) things are getting out of control. This sort of wall-to-wall diary leaves almost no time for parents to look after themselves.
Another Lisa, early childhood expert Lisa Murphy (www.ooeygooey.com), says something that I think is spot on: “It’s okay for children to be bored!” In other words, parents do not need to be the repositories of all entertainment; kids are more than capable of entertaining themselves if given the chance to do so. In fact, kids who are given the chance to be bored are far more likely to end up self-reliant than those who have every moment of every day planned for them.
The keynote speaker at the International Nanny Association conference in Kentucky in 2012 was Dr Deborah Gilboa, also known as Dr G. A mother of four and a family practice doctor, she spoke of the need to teach both responsibility and resilience to our children – both of which are strengthened by unstructured time. (Her website at www.askdoctorg.com provides a wealth of sensible advice.)
This is relevant for nannies too. While not for a moment advocating that nannies should be spending their working time on Facebook, they should be comfortable giving their charges unstructured play time at some point during the day. They should also be comfortable stipulating that that time is not spent in front of a screen, small or large.
Obviously this may require a discussion between the nanny and the parents she is working for – communication is critical as I have said before, often – but the main point is that neither nanny or parent should be fearful of a child being left to fill their own time occasionally.
Most parents, if they look back to their own childhood, grew up with a lot more freedom than they give their own children. I know I did. The parenting we all got was ‘good enough’ – and most of us turned out just fine. Perhaps its time for modern parents to loosen the ties a little.
Louise
Never say never; but you do need to say how often and how much
by Lisa Renn
This thought came to mind following a conversation on a recent weekend about buying food on special. I was at a get together at a friend’s house with my kids and commented that I’d brought a six-pack of ice creams for the children for dessert; they were on sale for half price.
I am a firm believer that banning all ‘unhealthy’ food is a sure fire way to make kids run toward the party food whenever they get the chance, and it can create some unhealthy obsessions in adolescence when they have more control over their food choices. So it’s ‘never say never’: it’s unrealistic to expect that you or your children will never eat some form of less-than-healthy food, but these occasions need to be in perspective.
The conversation continued and my friend asked, “Why didn’t you buy two packets if they were on sale? Then the kids could have had two ice creams”. My other friend agreed that she too would have bought two packets. Because of my upbringing I would never have dreamed of buying, let alone bringing, two packets of ice creams. I was brought up with the philosophy that you only have one – of anything! The more I learn about how people think and shop and eat the more I understand that that philosophy has had a lot to do with helping me maintain weight as I have got older. Being a dietitian probably helps too.
While it’s true that children eat intuitively and that you shouldn’t force anyone to finish everything on their plate, it’s also true that kids need some advice and guidance on how often and how much. Many parents argue that their children can eat two icy poles because they don’t have a weight problem and they are very active, but my question is what happens when they grow up and they’ve formed these habits? It’s highly unlikely they will all of a sudden change what they have learnt as kids.
Food rules, core beliefs and ideas stick with us forever. We don’t tend to change unless we are given a really good reason to, and even then we still may find it hard.
The same thing can happen with leftovers. When you see only a small amount left over, or one biscuit left on a plate, is your natural instinct to eat it because it isn’t much, to wrap it up for later or to throw it out? Perhaps you think that if you eat it all now you won’t have any more of that unhealthy food in the house – you can start fresh tomorrow.
Another issue is fast food. We have more access to takeaway food than ever before. I had a client come to see me the other day who had emigrated from South Africa. She and her other family members had put on a lot of weight since coming here and she commented that access to fast food was mind blowing in Australia. She said that in South Africa if you wanted fast food you had to go out searching for it while in Australia you had three different choices on every street corner. This ‘advancement’ in our culture was not such an issue 30 years ago and is a large contributor to our overweight and obesity statistics.
If you are overeating to deal with waste or to ‘get rid’ of a food from your house, or if you are buying and eating two because they are on special, or if you are eating takeaway food too often, then you could be setting yourself and your kids up for some difficulty in maintaining a healthy weight.
Now, more than ever, we need to teach our kids how much and how often to eat these extra foods. It shouldn’t be never but it also shouldn’t be as much and as often as we like.
How often is sometimes?
How often should we give these ‘unhealthy’ foods to our kids – those that are high in calories, saturated fat, salt or sugar and don’t really have much goodness. You might think back to your own childhood where takeaway food may have been once per week, lollies were only on the weekend and soft drink was for parties. The lunch box did not have to contain an ‘extra’ food everyday – these were kept for special treats.
The current dietary guidelines recommend between zero and two serves of discretionary (extra) foods each day – where a tablespoon of jam is considered one serve. Perhaps if we move back to the old days and start teaching our kids that ‘one is enough’ they may thank us in the long term – just like I did my mum the other day.
Lisa Renn is an Accredited Practicing Dietitian and Accredited Nutritionist. Read more articles by Lisa at her website: www.bodywarfare.com.au
More Information: Go, Slow and Whoa Foods
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