We have all seen them. The news reports of the last few weeks and months involving children who have encountered horrific accidents. The most publicized of the last months have been involving a gorilla and an alligator, but truthfully accidents can happen at any moment of any day, and they do. Of course, anyone caring for children, whether parents or other caregivers, should take necessary safety precautions to prevent as many accidents as possible.
As parents and nannies, we all have turned our backs for a moment and milk is spilled or the cat is being tortured. When our momentary distractions occur and our child is hurt because of it, we instantly feel guilt. The parents of the children in these most recently publicized tragedies certainly felt intense guilt. But their momentary lapse in judgment has come under public scrutiny like nothing any of us has encountered. And with that has come some hurtful and hate-filled comments by people who don’t know the individuals and know little of the real situation.
Instead of finding blame and shame in these sad events, the INA would like to refocus your attention to stress compassion and grace. We asked three of our members to share their thoughts on these unfortunate events and help us find a way to turn negative feelings of judgment into positive feelings of good will.
“My heart hurts today. My stomach feels like I have been gut punched. As if there was not enough horror in this world after the Orlando tragedy, we have yet another horrific accident involving a child. And the blame and the shame start all over again. I sit and I ask myself: When did we become so jaded and so judgmental? Do people not understand that no punishment on this earth can equal how a person punishes themselves for this type of mistake?”
“Maybe, starting today we could just extend a grace card to people. We have all had those moments that could have ended horribly. Maybe today we could begin to teach the next generation to love each other instead of judging each other. Maybe we could teach them that we don’t have to agree with someone’s choices, lifestyle or beliefs but we should treat each other with respect, it would make a world of difference. Maybe we could start today to teach our children to love people in spite of their imperfections and show compassion to people who have made mistakes or are going through hard times. Maybe we could help them understand that judging people is not our job, but loving people is something that we can all do. Maybe this is the greatest gift we can pass on to the children in our lives.”
“Never doubt the impact we can make if we show the next generation how to extend grace. As Margaret Mead said: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
From Glenda Propst of Nanny Transitions
Dear Perfect Parents,
Well, doesn’t that intro just make you shake your head (or at least I hope it does). You see, there is no perfect way to parent, and we all make mistakes. Can we all please start showing a little more grace to the parents who have tried their best for the day, and yet something tragic has happened to their child?
How many times have you turned your back for a split second to help one child, and find that your other child is doing something dangerous? How many times as a parent do you scold your significant other for not doing things “the right way?” Let’s all find it in our hearts to start showing a little more grace and a little more love; a little less shame and a little less blame. Let’s stop the instant judgment.
Writing hateful comments never improves a situation. It shows the world more about you than them. Let’s hope that we are all so lucky that we get to see our children live to have their own children and that some freak accident doesn’t take them away too soon. Let’s hope that if something tragic does happen we have a team of warriors holding our hands and cradling our hearts.
Could you imagine burying your child? Could you imagine looking that parent in the face who lost their child and saying the same hateful words that you so confidently type from your virtual safe space?
If the answer is no, then I ask you to look deep into your hearts and find a way to show grace instead of shame and love instead of blame.
From Ryan Jordan – Educated Nannies
Want to hear something really scary? Scarier than a gorilla or an alligator and even maybe more scary than anything else you might have read in the news.
Your kids are watching you. And by “your kids” I don’t just mean YOUR kids- the ones who eat all your best snacks. I mean all those kids in your life. Your nanny kids, your nieces and nephews, the ones in your Sunday school class and the ones next door.
Why is that scary? Because they are watching how you react. They see into your heart and watch your actions. They notice when you blame and spew negativity. They observe you when you extend kindness and understanding. They perceive what you are sharing with the world. And it’s scary because many of us are not sharing what we want them to share.
In the past few weeks, some horrible things have happened; things that shouldn’t ever happen to people. These kinds of things happen more often than we would like. In this world, bad things happen. While I wish they wouldn’t, it does provide us with a choice. When we choose to react with compassion, grace and kindness, we show our children that though there is evil, there is also goodness. Where there is grief, there can be empathy. When people are sad, we can comfort them. When we immediately let our anger and grief drive our comments and actions, we teach our kids to do likewise.
Each time I see these negative comments I begin to feel hopeless. But then I remember that we CAN change things. We can show the children in our lives that there is a way to choose something different. It is easy to respond quickly when we are “sure” we know how we would have acted in their place. But it is harder to choose to respond with compassion.
But as difficult as it is, I challenge you, and I challenge myself, to choose understanding, kindness and grace. In this struggle, we also bring out the best in ourselves. The world and our kids deserve our best selves.
From Sue Downey – Nannypalooza
Whether you are a parent, nanny or are just around children once in a while, each one of us can work on how we respond to world events.
