By Wendy Sjaardema
I started my professional career in 2004 but had been working with children long before that. I was excited and enthusiastic to work in my chosen profession – it seemed as if it was handcrafted for me and my passion for working with infants and toddlers. I fell into it naturally and in those first years of my career was blessed to work with amazing families and children, something that thankfully has continued throughout my career as a nanny, an NCS and a Consultant.
There were so many things that I loved about this job, but I also learned that there are areas that are not so positive. I soon found myself facing the dreaded nanny disease – Burnout. I found it so hard to understand…I loved my job, I had wonderful employers, I cared deeply for the children I worked with. Why, then, was I struggling so much? After some soul searching, I realized that the true issue was something that was missing in my life – Connection.
Why is connection such an important factor in working in the childcare industry?
“Studies have shown that social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems. By neglecting our need to connect, we put our health at risk.” (Canadian Mental Health Society)
As nannies we often work long hours with small people. These tiny, wonderful people can carry on unending conversations, but all the talk of planets and cars and dinosaurs and trains just didn’t quite fill the deep seeded need for adult interaction and human connection. I went to work each morning and spent my days with infants, toddlers and preschoolers. Many weekends and evenings were spent babysitting in addition to my regular nanny hours. On my rare nights and weekends off, I was exhausted and had little energy to socialize or seek outside Connections.
I’ve found this to be a common issue in the nanny world. By prioritizing the needs of those who we care for, we so often neglect our own needs. I decided that I needed a change in my personal life, and that change started with searching for that elusive connection with both those in my career sphere and those outside of it!
Creating Connections
One of the first steps I took when looking for social interaction to assist with the burnout blues was to search for others in the industry who would understand where I was coming from. Nannying is a unique line of work, and as many of you know, those who are not inside it can’t always relate to the struggles that we face.
Back in the mid 2000’s it wasn’t as simple as hopping on Facebook and searching for the right “group”. Thankfully, I discovered a Yahoo group led by a local nanny that had regular meetups and online discussion boards. I decided to attend my first meetup, and what greeted me was an amazing group of nannies, many of whom I still am in contact with and have both personal and professional relationships with to this day. This Yahoo group eventually turned into a Facebook group, which I now have the honor of running, and to this day I credit much of my success in my nanny career to that first day I attended a meetup. Through playdates, ladies’ night outs, Bachelor viewing parties and even group vacations, I was finally able to make those connections. I craved.
As Facebook grew, so did the opportunities to make connections online. I joined as many groups as I could and still watch closely for new opportunities. While nothing replaces in person interactions, these groups are great opportunities to discuss our day to day lives as nannies, ask for advice and create our own personal networks. One of the most beneficial parts of these groups for me was to feel as if I had already met people in a small way online prior to meeting in person. Those online connections have led to amazing friendships all over the world! One of my passions is travel, and I count myself lucky to have been able to visit friends made in Facebook groups in Florida, New York, Oregon, New Orleans, California and even London! Social networking opens doors that those nannies who came before us had to work much harder to find. While not everything found in these groups is a positive, this is something that I am so grateful for in the time we live in.
As I built my network over the years both at home and around the world, I learned of other opportunities to connect with those in the industry. A few years ago, I decided to invest in my continued education by taking courses geared towards becoming a Newborn Care Specialist. I was lucky enough to attend a course in person and make many new (and old!) connections with nannies in my local area and as I continued to pursue that education in higher forms my network grew worldwide once again. That year I also decided to attend my first International Nanny Association annual conference. While there, I made some lifelong friendships and was able to truly see the power of connecting with others in the industry. What originally had been a goal to increase my education became the greatest opportunity yet in building my network exponentially and connecting with other nannies, newborn care specialists and others within the childcare industry.
Becoming a “Yes Man”
The hardest part of building connection in both my personal and professional life was getting started. I am an introvert, much to the surprise of those who know me now well over a decade later. Deciding to set foot out of my front door for that first meetup to spend time with people I had never met was a huge challenge, but I had made the decision to make a change and I knew this was the first step. I was exhausted, I was burnt out and the last thing I wanted to do was make small talk and try to be sociable. There are many out there who don’t understand this problem, but I also know that there are just as many of you who are reading this and know exactly what I’m talking about. Social anxiety is crippling at times.
For me, it was a matter of just forcing myself to go that first time. I know that this isn’t the solution for everyone, and for many it is something to discover for yourself how to overcome. Once I attended that first meetup, it didn’t make all the future ones easy, but it did help me to realize I could do it.
I decided that for the next month, I was going to be a “Yes man” in both my personal and professional life. Even if it caused me anxiety, even if I was tired, even if I didn’t have the time or the money – if I saw an opportunity to connect, I was going to take it. I was going to say “Yes”. Some days were easier than others. Sometimes I met other nannies for dinner and ordered a side salad because money was tight. Some nights I stopped into a ladies’ night out for 15 minutes on my way from one job to the next. Some connections were toxic and would have been better left unmade. But the majority of the result was creating social interactions, professional networks and discovering activities and hobbies I never would have experienced before.
I often see people ask, How do you make friends as an adult? Or How do you find hobbies as an adult? My answer is always the same…I became a “Yes man”. My life took a 360 degree turn from that exhausted nanny searching for a change to an exciting life filled with adventures, hobbies, friends, colleagues and connection! I’m still an introvert, I still need time alone to rest and recharge, but I’m no longer scared to walk out my door and make new connections. And the biggest bonus – my burnout burned less and less. It still comes and goes, as I think it does for many of us when we are not spending enough time on self-care or when we take on more than we can handle. But having a circle to share with and to commiserate when I am headed down that path is worth more than I can say.
Wendy Sjaardema is a CACHE Certified Newborn Care Specialist, a Master® Newborn Care Specialist and recipient of the 2021 International Nanny Association Nanny of the Year® Award. She has over 17 years’ experience as a Professional Nanny and NCS and runs a consulting company, Nanny Consults, working alongside both caregivers and parents to promote professionalism in the nanny industry.