The Case for Positive Discipline
By Laura R Schroeder, INA Second Vice President
Discipline- for some nannies it’s their least favorite part of the job. Yet to me a child’s misbehavior is the opportunity to teach real-life lessons that can last a lifetime. This is because I see discipline as a unique opportunity for teaching, not punishment. The difference is subtle but makes a significant impact on children. Here is my personal story about finding the right discipline plan for me.
Over the last 30 years, I have had the opportunity to try many discipline methods, time-out, 1-2-3 Magic, positive reinforcement charts, grounding, talking it out, taking away toys and privileges, even yelling and losing my cool (with my own kiddos). In each case I found myself being either too permissive, which along with getting misbehaved children, led to more limit testing, or being too authoritative, enforcing random punishments which seemed to have no positive impact on future behavior. Sure, a punishment had short-term value, but not in solving the real problem, only in refocusing the anger, frustration, blame etc. on me.
Thankfully others had reached the same conclusion as I had — to have a truly effective discipline system you needed to have firm limits, but you also needed to keep the relationship between child and caregiver strong and positive so the lessons could be learned. Also, children are not miniature adults, they needed to be taught how to do the right thing, and punishments and rewards need not be part of the plan at all.
My answer was Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen. Over the years I have read almost all of her books and have become a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator. I have yet to find a situation where her kind yet firm techniques have not been extremely effective across all age groups of children, even with those with disabilities, etc. My biggest hurdles are always convincing the parents that this works better than their current system, but I’ve managed to do that each time as well.
Positive Discipline has made me a calmer, more confident nanny. There are so many wonderful success stories that I could share here, but I’ll close with one of my favorites. My 3 children have always been my childcare “guinea pigs” you could say, and I couldn’t be prouder of all 3 of them. My daughter, Bethany, age 22, is a special education teacher in Washington, DC. She regularly credits her Positive Discipline upbringing with her successes as a young adult. She told me that while all her friends were hiding things from their parents as teens, she felt comfortable coming to her Dad and me because she knew we would problem solve, not punish. She even uses a PD tool called “Family Meetings” with her roommates at the house she rents.
I encourage you to each find a discipline plan for yourselves that is not only effective but one that empowers you as well. I hope you will consider Positive Discipline. If I can help you on that journey, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.