By: Sue Downey
We all have a first reaction to events, to people and well…. to everything. For me, that first reaction is usually not my best reaction.
It happens all the time with me in my work with children. It takes me time and a deep breath when I am angry to remember that anger with a child does not accomplish anything, except of course to let them know we all get angry. Instead, I must do as I teach, I must count to 10 and take deep breaths. I must find a place of patience and calm. I must think before I speak and make choices in my reactions whenever possible to teach instead of punish.
It’s always so amusing to me that parents think that I am so patient and never lose my temper. So untrue. Instead, I have learned thru many years of practice that it is an intentional choice to not let my first reaction erupt when the 3-year-old ruins the white carpet with a marker or the 2-year-old bites me. It is learned and practiced and sometimes I make a mistake. I let that anger erupt and I must choose intentionally again to see those mistakes as opportunities for growth and for practice.
I have first reactions to disappointment. Especially lately with the number of things cancelled or postponed. The number of things I can not do now that I have taken for granted- like hugging a friend or taking the kids out for pizza and to play at a playground. My first reaction is to wallow. It is to focus on what I don’t have instead of what I do have. I must practice here again to choose my focus. A lesson I have tried to teach to kids for 25 years and it is not easy for them. Nor is it easy for me. I have to intentionally choose to find the good. I have to intentionally choose to look for the things that are positive when negative casts its shadow.
I also have to admit to you all who are reading this (is anyone reading this??) that I have first reactions that I am not proud of. When looking at issues involving race and equality and privilege, it often my conditioned responses from my youth that are my first reactions. I have once again learned that it takes intentional effort to stop, consider different viewpoints, and remember the things I have learned over the past years before forming opinions or sharing my thoughts. Personal growth is often all about this intentional effort to seek out new truths and be open to new perspectives.
This is not easy work. To be intentional in my reactions, in my outlook on situations and in my perspectives on the world is to constantly be questioning my first reactions. It is to stop and take that beat, count to 10 and be willing to take the risk in saying, I am not always right. I will consider what is happening right now in a new way. However, knowing what it brings to me as a person and as a nanny, I know that I must continue to flex this muscle.
2020 for many of us, I fear, will be a year when our first reactions are not always our best reactions. And whether it is with your kids, with your outlook, or with your beliefs, I wish you much success in living an intentional life.
Sue Downey is a nanny and has been since she accidentally found the profession 25 years ago. She started as a live out nanny for 4 boys in Cincinnati, Ohio and then moved on to the Philadelphia area as a live in nanny. She has stayed in the suburbs of Philly ever since. She has worked with many kinds of families and all ages of children from birth thru teens. To increase the opportunities for professional development, Sue was the co founder of Nannypalooza, a conference for nannies. Nannypalooza is now celebrating 15 years of building community and providing education to nannies across the globe. It is now home to interNational Nanny Training Day, which every spring hosts local events to celebrate and educate nannies. Along with her business partner Kellie Geres, Sue developed Our Nanny Diary, journals and paperwork to increase communication between nannies and families. She has led workshops at the International Nanny Association conference, National Education for Young Children conference, Nannypalooza as well as local and regional gatherings. Sue’s full time job is caring for a family just outside Philadelphia, where she spends her days trying to not step on legos, playing dragons, and reading the same book over and over and over again and loving every minute of it all!
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