By: Kim K. Morgan
As parents, many of us wonder whether to talk to our children about race and racism. Some parents may do it from day one, some wait, and many struggle with how to tackle such a complex topic with their little children or even babies. How do we start working towards anti-bias and anti-racism so early? Is it appropriate to do so?
As a single mother, raising two strong, smart, intelligent black boys, I started having this conversation with my first-born at the age of two years old. One day, I took my son Myles with me to work and he asked, “Mommy, why do Ollie and his parents look different than me and you?” That’s when it occurred to me that this was the first time that my son was meeting someone white and was consciously aware of the difference. While he had met previous nanny kids and their parents who were white, he was only 9 months old. Children tend to notice more than we think, and in this moment, I chose to inform my son in the simplest way possible, rather than choosing to protect him by not having this conversation.
Although there are many approaches to this type of education, one clear consensus emerges from experts: it’s never too early to start. Babies begin to absorb information about race at surprisingly young ages. According to this article, Professor Kang Lee at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education believes babies begin to notice race at 6 months of age and his studies show that they actually display signs of racial bias at this age too.
I know, you’re all thinking, “What?”. After some time contemplating this article, I began thinking of my own experiences with young children and it began to make sense. My current charge who was five (5) months old when I started working with her would always hold my hand and watch hers. She would look me in the face and glance back to both of our hands. My response to her, “I know, my hand looks different from yours, right?”. When she touches my hair, I’ll ask her, “Does my hair feel differently from yours, mommy’s and daddy’s? That’s because my hair is a different texture, but you have to be gentle because when you pull it, it hurts KimKim”. To me, this is just her being curious and exploring something that’s new and different. However, Professor Lee and other researchers at the University of Toronto state that they believe babies 6 to 9 months demonstrate racial bias in favor of members of their own race and racial bias against those of other races. Their conclusion is that this happens as a result of lack of exposure to other races.
I’m blessed to have worked and continue to work for families who have always been inclusive of not only me but also my sons. They’ve treated us with nothing but absolute kindness, love, and respect. In light of the recent events in our country, particularly the wrongful death of George Floyd, I received a few texts from two of my former MBs (Mom Bosses) who were just checking in to see how we’re doing. “My children have the best foundation to love people of all colors because of you and your boys”. Another said, “KimKim, we just want to thank you for helping us raise a well-rounded little boy and exposing him to not only your love, but the love of Myles and Morgan too”.
We may have different views on whether racial differences are taught, racism is learned, and vice-versa. However, we can all agree that these are conversations that need to be had both in the home, with our children, families, and friends, as well as outside the home when we see or encounter racism.
It’s an overwhelming, often uncomfortable topic to discuss and is especially difficult when you feel like you don’t know what to say or do—but when we expose young children to race, racism, and inequality, they are better equipped to recognize each other’s differences and speak up when they see injustices. They’ll grow up believing that our differences make us special and our similarities connect us as human beings. For older children who can engage and understand, be open, and have this discussion, don’t shut them down when they ask these questions. Doing so will only lead them to believe these topics are taboo.
Below are some resources that you can use to start having these conversations with the young children in your lives. Exposing them to books with the main character of a different ethnic background is a great way to ignite a conversation. Most importantly, keep the lines of communication open. Be a “safe place” in your children’s lives, someone they can turn to ask those difficult questions and get open, honest answers.
- Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice, a toolkit from Teaching Tolerance that spans ages 2-17.
- Your Age-by-Age Guide to Talking About Race, from 6 months to age 8, from Parents Magazine.
- Talking to kids about race, from National Geographic, includes advice for very young children.
- How to talk honestly to children about racism – Seven(7) tips from Dr. White to help parents prepare for difficult conversations and start discussions, using picture books, activities, and asking questions of our children.
- A large list of other resources from the Center For Racial Justice In Education.
Kim K. Morgan (INA’s 2020 Nanny of the Year) – Kim Morgan, known to most as “Nanny Kimkim”, is a Cache Certified Advanced Newborn Care Specialist through Nanny Stella and Newborn Care Solutions, New Parent Educator, Infant Sleep Specialist and Professional Nanny, who has dedicated over twenty years of her life to the childcare industry. Kim has spent the past years building her expertise through vast experiences, striving to continuously learn and remain current on all recommended best practices. She’s currently enrolled as a student in the Newborn Care Solutions Elite Y1 Program to be completed at the ending of this year and was recently named the International Nannies Association Nanny of the Year, the first person of color (POC) to have ever won this prestigious award.
Kim has made it her life’s mission to channel her love of babies into a successful career, caring for newborns, infants and twins 0-6 months in New York City and partnering with families to help them navigate through the first critical years of their children’s lives.
Kim’s passion for what she does became more evident at the age of twenty-three, when she was diagnosed with a medical condition that would have likely prohibited her from having children of her own. She’s the proud mother of two smart, intelligent, loving boys who have taught her the meaning of unconditional love, so she can love other’s children as though they are her own.
Kim’s loving spirit, natural leadership, and deep admiration for children, has left her a treasured member of many families over the last two decades. Her goal is to transition working as a full-time Newborn Care Specialist, where she would continue empowering families with confidence and reassurance, that they can be the best parent possible.
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